"The very trait that challenges you today may become the quality that helps your child succeed tomorrow."
— Mrs. Phyllis Meer
Helpful Hints
1. A parent should recognize that a persistent child does not like to stop what she is doing. Giving her a 5 five minute warning before transitioning to the next activity is helpful. Set a timer and tell her when the timer rings it is time to put away the toys she has been playing with. Then you will take her to the park. Your child may respond to the sound of a bell on a timer that rings or the visual aid ”Time Timer.” (Time Timer is available from Amazon.com) that gives your child a visual and audio cue of when it is time to change activities. This works great for bath time, playtime, and homework time.
2. Or If your child is really involved in his play time get your child’s attention before you speak. Wait until he pauses in his activity if possible and then get down to his level, gently tap his shoulder or under his chin to get his attention. Have in mind what you want him to do. Give clear directions to your child. During clean up time say:
“Work on your puzzle until the red on the clock disappears, then it is time to put the puzzle on the shelf.”
If your child resists, put the puzzle away with your child until your child can do alone.
3. If your child has frequent meltdowns during transitions being proactive can help. At a calm time teach your child breathing techniques like those listed at consciousdiscipline.com (Go to Resources, printable posters, safe place breathing icons.) Show your child the breathing techniques or blow a balloon or party blower with him. Breathing helps to calm children. Other children like silly putty or toys with different textures to feel. Familiar music, a favorite song, scent or handcreme can be calming to some children.
4. These activities will help your child calm down more quickly and be able to move to the next activity.
5. Teach your child the meaning of the word flexible. Tell stories of times when your plans changed suddenly and you were flexible. Notice when your child shows any steps toward being flexible.
“We were supposed to meet our friends at the park, but the air was smoky.
You were flexible. You didn’t complain. You played a game with your friend inside. I heard you laughing together. You had a good time.”
6. Give choices when possible. Say to a child who needs to get in the car. ”You can walk with your hands at your side or your hands behind you. Which is better for you?” This gives your child some control over the situation.
7. Make motions whenever possible to demonstrate to your child what you want him to do. Imitate a flight attendant giving instructions for a traveler to buckle his seatbelt by moving your arms and hands like you are reaching for the seatbelt and buckling. if your child resists buckling Try to buckle a stuffed animal or doll next to him if possible. Parents can take some calming breaths and try again.
8. For a child who has trouble with going many places in one day try to limit the number of stops that you make. Try going to a larger store that might carry more items than several smaller stores; it will be fewer times your child has to get in and out of the car.
9. When planning your day, try to allow adequate time for transitions. Give your child a few minutes to finish what he is doing before moving him to the next activity. A child who feels rushed will be more likely to resist the transition.
10. Talk to your child about transitions. Tell her that you understand it is hard for her to move from one activity to another. Say: “I wish you could work on your puzzle all day. I know you love putting the pieces together. I see that you don’t give up which is a great quality. But we do have to go get your sister in 5 minutes.”
11. Give lots of encouragement. Every time you see your child making progress say: “You climbed in the car seat by yourself. You are getting better at transitions. We will be on time for our appointment.” Use the word ‘transitions’ several times during the day so your child knows a change will be occurring or has just occurred.
12. Teach your child to use “self talk.” In the event the child has a substitute at school or has to go to an appointment that was not on the schedule. Saying phrases like “this is different, I don’t like it, but I can handle it” can be helpful.
13. Even with these ideas and a parents’ best intentions your child still may refuse to cooperate. The best thing you can do is remain calm. Take a few deep breaths yourself. Offer a choice to your child like “you can go walking or I will carry you. Which is better for you” If he won’t go then firmly pick him up and take him to the car.
14. Give him/her time to process a choice. Chant “You are able, you are capable, Make the right choice. Let me hear your nice voice.”
15. If a child who likes school resists getting out of the car to go to school, tell your child that he can have many emotions at the same time. He wants to stay with Mommy/Daddy in the car and also see his friends at school. Tell stories to your child of when it was hard for you, the parents to switch gears and do a new activity. Show your child what a gear looks like and how it can be switched.
16. Some children benefit from a “lovey.” This could be a favorite blanket, a doll, stuffed animal, or picture of Mom or Dad. A child can take their “lovey” from home to school and back home again. Some parents like to buy two of the items so they can wash the item without the child missing it.
17. Some children need to lift something heavy to help organize their nervous system. Pushing a vacuum or moving chairs can be helpful before a transition.
Summary
As Yidden we don’t despair. The very trait that is causing you much frustration at present can be channeled into a quality that will help your child become successful later in life.
positive interaction, and giving audio and visual cues you will help your child transition easier through the day. Teaching your child ways to calm down will reduce the time and frequency of the meltdowns.
May Hashem grant parents insight to discover their children's needs and ability to support them in the best way possible.
If you feel you need more support I recommend starting with a thorough check up for your child.
Your health care provider/ Jewish family service/mental health agency can provide resources for parenting support in your area.
"May Hashem grant parents insight to discover their children's needs and the ability to support them in the best way possible."
— Mrs. Phyllis Meer
Prepared by Phyllis Meer RN,BSN,CPNP
Resources:
Conscious Discipline workshop 2013-2014- presenter Mary Masson Troy MI
Easy to love, Difficult to Discipline
I love you Rituals by Dr. Becky Bailey of interactive finger plays
Consciousdiscipline.com
Website and books Sophie Rants and Raves, Shubert Rants and Raves by Dr. Becky A. Bailey
Angela Lee Duckworth: The key to success? Grit Filmed Apr 2013 • Posted May 2013 • TED Talks Education
Late, lost, and Unprepared A Parents’ Guide to Helping children with Executive Functioning,Cooper-Kahn,Ph.D Dietzel, Laurie, Phd.D
https://www.dinafriedmanacademy.com/
