"When children know what to expect, they feel safe enough to cooperate."
— Mrs. Phyllis Meer
Concept two - Your child needs structure
Structure helps your child know what she is expected to do. Giving your child visual cues is one way to accomplish this. You can take pictures of your child going about her morning routine, and then post the sequence in the bathroom.
Here is another example of a song to sing to help your child move through the morning routine. Children’s brains seek patterns; singing the same song every time with your child will help her to be calmer and more cooperative.
“This is the way we brush our teeth
Brush our teeth, brush our teeth
This is the way we brush our teeth
Early in the morning.”
The next verse would be
“After we brush our teeth
Its time to comb our hair
Comb our hair
Comb our hair
Now, It is time to comb our hair
early in the morning.”
It is also helpful to read books with your child which show a sequence of events such as A Day with Moishy A child’s first book about daily routine by Sara Blau. The book gives visual reminders of doing tasks in order, like getting dressed before eating breakfast. Your child will learn that many tasks need to be completed in one day.
Doing things at similar times or in similar ways on a regular basis also provides structure for your child. Verbal reminders are also helpful. Say: “Moshe, First you put your lunch in the backpack. Then we eat breakfast.” If your son does similar routines throughout his day or on a weekly basis, it can help him learn what to expect and therefore struggle less with transitions.
Another technique that provides structure, competence and confidence for your child is a ‘pre-play.’ A ‘pre-play is a way to bridge the gap between the known and the unknown for your child. This is a way to practice and to prepare for new routines, new experiences or teach new skills. During a ‘pre-play’ your child has the opportunity to practice without the pressure of time or need to 'get it right'. A mom might say: “" Sarah, lets practice how to get dressed when we go outside. Then we will learn what to put on first.” Then mom will learn how long it takes Sarah to get dressed. That will be helpful for her to know how much time to allow for getting dressed in the morning. Using the word "practice" can reduce the child’s stress during the experience, as they automatically feel it is a 'safe' time and do not have to do everything right.
This works well for new experiences like starting school, going on a play date, going to a birthday party, a visit to the dentist or doctor., Parents can describe what to expect and talk about the different smells, sounds, sights, and textures that a child might encounter. Picture books of the experience help a child learn what to expect. Parents should note that some children need more time to observe a new situation before participating. Remembering that situations that we take for granted can be overwhelming to your small child is helpful. This method helps children learn what to expect.
Giving your preschool child a schedule with pictures of morning or daily activities helps her know what to expect during that time. Consider this if there are new activities or your child is experiencing difficulty with transitions during the day. For example: " Alex, here is the morning schedule. Today we are doing a few exciting things! First we are going to get up and get ready for our day, then we are going to eat breakfast. After that, we are going to get ready to leave the house and go sledding in the park. After the park we are going to come home and eat lunch with hot chocolate! Then we will decide how to spend our afternoon." This schedule lets the child know what to expect and will help him be calmer with the transitions. Below see pictures of negal vasser, pajamas going in hamper, long sleeve shirts to choose from, and a fun breakfast to eat. Children also enjoy seeing their pictures in the morning schedule.
"Practice without pressure gives children the confidence to face new experiences with calm and courage."
— Mrs. Phyllis Meer
Prepared by Phyllis Meer RN,BSN,CPNP
Resources:
Conscious Discipline workshop 2013-2014- presenter Mary Masson Troy MI
Easy to love, Difficult to Discipline
I love you Rituals by Dr. Becky Bailey of interactive finger plays
Consciousdiscipline.com
Website and books Sophie Rants and Raves, Shubert Rants and Raves by Dr. Becky A. Bailey
Angela Lee Duckworth: The key to success? Grit Filmed Apr 2013 • Posted May 2013 • TED Talks Education
Late, lost, and Unprepared A Parents’ Guide to Helping children with Executive Functioning,Cooper-Kahn,Ph.D Dietzel, Laurie, Phd.D
https://www.dinafriedmanacademy.com/
